One thing I have grown to understand and love about you is that you don't back away from big challenges, like wrestling a 40-foot conceptual alligator like pride in public. Everything you said needs to be talked for the benefit of the psychological, spiritual and emotional health of the public, which makes this the most poetic PSA ever. These are crucial distinctions, and for me, chief among them, is that having a lack of self is an entirely different thing than selflessness. As a matter of fact, a stable, purposed, healthily boundaried, and pleased self is the ground of one's freedom to fully serve. That's my primary takeaway from your piece, and I salute your assertion of this truth. "Pride, no longer tainted, emerges as a beautiful and life-giving force, weaving together my aspirations and guiding me toward the profound essence of human life." Now that is something to be proud of.
You didn’t shy away from a complex and personal topic and I’m in awe at how delicately you balanced both sides of the story--pride as sin and pride as essential.
Just in the past few months, I’ve started to feel proud of myself for doing difficult things or accomplishing what I set out to. It’s been strange. Such an unfamiliar emotion that for the longest time I never let myself feel. Pride always felt like an indulgence.
...you can definitely [dad joke readied] be proud of this piece...all bad dad joking aside this is a wonderful reflection...it is hard to love ourselves in this world, the world constantly showing us the ways in which we aren't what it is, but how powerful then to find out all the ways in which we can take back those ideas, vanquish the blocking we intend for others, thus setting it upon ourselves...appreciate you taking the time to get this where you needed it...
I can’t believe you published this today, the day I finished The Courage to Be Disliked (Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga). This book explains why the words you write here are a truth. Though they don’t use the word “pride” per se, but rather “self-acceptance” + the “feel-good” emotion (that you associate with “pride” here) is more-so a feeling of “usefulness.” Thus: Accept yourself as you are = easier to feel useful in your community* = a sense of belonging within that community (we’re all in this together) = a sense of well-being (aka “happiness”).
*community doesn’t have to be all of society either... it starts with just you and me.
There’s a lot more to this psychological theory based squarely on the teachings of Alfred Adler (a contemporary of Freud and Jung) but I’d encourage ANYONE who resonates with the words you wrote here to read this book. I finished it in days and it confirmed so much of what I’ve learned lately on my own path as a recovering self-worth addict. I also needed to zero in on that sense of “pride” in my accomplishments in order to find my way to self-acceptance (in order to, TBH, trust my outer community too). My pride had to become an internal source of usefulness. Important: NOT based on accomplishments that made OTHERS proud or impressed with me.
Reading your words, today of all days, helps me feel right on track. Thank you for being a “moment within the dance,” as this book would explain for this phenomenon!
Moving your reflection to kick off your finale greatly facilitated flow for me. I enjoyed how you reworked the intro as well and leaned into the feelings of Coleridge's Ancient Mariner without being overt. As always it is an honor to be in conversation with you.
One thing I have grown to understand and love about you is that you don't back away from big challenges, like wrestling a 40-foot conceptual alligator like pride in public. Everything you said needs to be talked for the benefit of the psychological, spiritual and emotional health of the public, which makes this the most poetic PSA ever. These are crucial distinctions, and for me, chief among them, is that having a lack of self is an entirely different thing than selflessness. As a matter of fact, a stable, purposed, healthily boundaried, and pleased self is the ground of one's freedom to fully serve. That's my primary takeaway from your piece, and I salute your assertion of this truth. "Pride, no longer tainted, emerges as a beautiful and life-giving force, weaving together my aspirations and guiding me toward the profound essence of human life." Now that is something to be proud of.
Wowza, I love how this essay turned out Haley.
You didn’t shy away from a complex and personal topic and I’m in awe at how delicately you balanced both sides of the story--pride as sin and pride as essential.
Just in the past few months, I’ve started to feel proud of myself for doing difficult things or accomplishing what I set out to. It’s been strange. Such an unfamiliar emotion that for the longest time I never let myself feel. Pride always felt like an indulgence.
Awesome job with this piece (: lovely
Thank you for writing from the heart. Stunning
...you can definitely [dad joke readied] be proud of this piece...all bad dad joking aside this is a wonderful reflection...it is hard to love ourselves in this world, the world constantly showing us the ways in which we aren't what it is, but how powerful then to find out all the ways in which we can take back those ideas, vanquish the blocking we intend for others, thus setting it upon ourselves...appreciate you taking the time to get this where you needed it...
I can’t believe you published this today, the day I finished The Courage to Be Disliked (Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga). This book explains why the words you write here are a truth. Though they don’t use the word “pride” per se, but rather “self-acceptance” + the “feel-good” emotion (that you associate with “pride” here) is more-so a feeling of “usefulness.” Thus: Accept yourself as you are = easier to feel useful in your community* = a sense of belonging within that community (we’re all in this together) = a sense of well-being (aka “happiness”).
*community doesn’t have to be all of society either... it starts with just you and me.
There’s a lot more to this psychological theory based squarely on the teachings of Alfred Adler (a contemporary of Freud and Jung) but I’d encourage ANYONE who resonates with the words you wrote here to read this book. I finished it in days and it confirmed so much of what I’ve learned lately on my own path as a recovering self-worth addict. I also needed to zero in on that sense of “pride” in my accomplishments in order to find my way to self-acceptance (in order to, TBH, trust my outer community too). My pride had to become an internal source of usefulness. Important: NOT based on accomplishments that made OTHERS proud or impressed with me.
Reading your words, today of all days, helps me feel right on track. Thank you for being a “moment within the dance,” as this book would explain for this phenomenon!
Moving your reflection to kick off your finale greatly facilitated flow for me. I enjoyed how you reworked the intro as well and leaned into the feelings of Coleridge's Ancient Mariner without being overt. As always it is an honor to be in conversation with you.