Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Rick Lewis's avatar

I feel as though I watch you give birth every time you publish an essay. Allowing acts of nature to come through the human body is no small thing, but the words and subjects you midwife are like small beings that will have their own life and impact others in the world. Even we men have our own forms of pregnancy and delivery. That you're willing to line up with the acts of creation that are suited to your being is an demonstration of authenticity and courage. I celebrate you and your choices.

Expand full comment
randy's avatar

Haley, this is so good. I know the societal pressure on men to be a father is much less existent than that on women to be mothers, but I very much relate to your story. I was in my mid-30s before I even entertained the idea of children. Every relationship I had up to that point came to an end as soon as they reached the point where the topics of commitment or children surfaced.

Like you, I always worried that I would lose myself to parenthood. I have a different perspective on that now. I believe becoming a parent can help you find out who you really are. It can help reveal to yourself what you really believe about some of the most important things in life. I could talk about this forever, so if you ever want to chat about this topic, just let me know.

To be clear, I absolutely believe that people can live a wonderful and fulfilled life without children, but as someone who became a dad in his late 30s and who knows several women who became moms well into their mid and late 30s, I would encourage you not to close the door on the idea.

Expand full comment
63 more comments...

No posts